The Claw strikes
Oh my god… that’s hysterical!
Without my hammer, I can’t. Are you Thor, the God of Hammers? That hammer was to help you, control your power, to focus it. It was never your source of strength.
Voltron characters as John Mulaney quotes
Lance: And I’m like “Hey! That’s the thing I’m insecure about!”
Pidge: I know all of that, how do YOU know all of that.
Shiro: You know those type of days where you’re like, this might as well happen?
Allura: Why do people shush animals? THEY’VE NEVER SPOKEN!
Hunk: Top three colleges? I thought I’d be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the tail light by now.
Keith: You know I’m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time and I have no outlet for it.
Matt: I quit drinking because I would black out and “Ruin parties”
Coran: STREET SMARTS!
Lotor: and then I said “no,” you know, like a liar.
Keith and Lance: Anyway, this is a long winded way of saying we bought a stroller for our dog.
Shiro and Lance: God, I guess they’re finally gonna kill us all – alright. this is younger than I thought, but we’re pretty big assholes.
Krolia: I hear what you’re saying, and I ALSO don’t want me to be doing what I’m currently doing.
Acxa: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and one day I’ll die.
Haggar: Sometimes babies will point at me, and I do not care for that shit at all.
Zarkon: YOU’RE NEVER GONNA GET THAT BEST BUY REWARDS CARD!
Narti: Everybody get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds!
Ezor: Ooh! Ducklings!
Sendak: I used to snort crack!
Zethrid: Eat ass suck dick and sell drugs!
Ulaz: I don’t care for these new Nazis and you may quote me on that.
Klovian: You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair
Thace: I don’t look older, I just look worse.
This whole “trust Tumblr blindly” thing is eventually going to kill someone, as I became pointedly aware of on one occasion I was making fun of how poorly a particular bleach-based drain declogger was working on my sink and got a chorus of really dangerously misinformed people telling me to pour vinegar in after it because all cute little cool kid diy home care blogs they’re following talk about vinegar like it it’s the big secret the cleaning companies don’t want you to know.
And I cringed knowing that someday, some Well Actually expert who read a blog article once is going to give that advice to someone who unfortunately didn’t take high school chemistry and isn’t aware that MIXING VINEGAR AND BLEACH MAKES CHLORINE GAS.
holy fucking jesus tits reblog to save a life
OK I actually got a full on A* for GCSE Chemistry and if I ever knew this I’ve forgotten it. Seriously reblog this.
Also don’t use bleach to clean up if your cat pees outside the littlerbox (or urine in general for that matter, species doesn’t really matter here I think). I did that in a small space and it took me a bit of coughing and wheezing and wanting to tear my eyes out before I went, “wait, fuck, I just gassed myself”.
Be aware of the chemicals you are using even if they are natural cleaners.
Eva Green as a fem!Salazar Slytherin
requested by anon
sidhwen 